Benching Pats in the Blizzard

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm sitting here in Portsmouth NH looking out the window at this wicked Nor'Easter and thinking, "Yikes, I'm benching my Pats in fantasy football today." Of course for me, that only means Donte Stallworth, who I might've benched anyway since he's been eclipsed by Jabar Gaffney lately.

Maybe we'll get to see scenes like this one again today? God how I love snow games!

Oh, but I did also pick up Rodney Harrison based on his reemergence last week. He has always been a tackle-hound and a ball-hawk, and he's one Patriot I'm not benching. I'll play him in favor of Ellis Hobbs, who I still love, but without the kickoff return yardage, not so much. Anyway, I've got a hunch Harrison pops a ball loose and/or picks one up in the Winter Wonderland today.

Oh and speaking of HGH, let's talk briefly about...

The Mitchell Report

I always thought George Mitchell should've run for president. I have been a long-time fan of his politics, diplomacy, and grandfatherly/professorial demeanor. Despite all the obstacles he faced -- namely, hardly anybody would talk to him -- he put together a nice little report. The best part for me was his nailing of Fat Roger to the cross. When I heard he was a juicer, I was thrilled! Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Bill Simmons feels vindicated, at least as much as Dan Duquette does. (For a brilliant, blow-by-blow explanation of Red Sox Nation's loathing of our once-favorite son, check out this Simmons piece from 2001.) Anyway, Roger's juicing sure explains a lot, like how his body went from flabby to buff after he left Boston, and how his stats got *better* as he aged (see Bonds, Barry), and why he threw so many hissy-fits on the field (e.g., inexplicably throwing Piazza's broken bat back at him).

Also interesting were the memos from Theo and his staff on Gagne and Donnelly (they're Juice Guys) were reprinted here in the Globe.

And the other interesting thing I took from the whole Mitchell Report thing was how Jose Canseco, juicer-cum-whistleblower, reacted. (Canseco was the first to float Clemens name as a ragin'-'roider, by the way.) Canseco said he was "shocked" that A-Rod's name was not in the report. But really, Clemens AND A-Rod getting taken down in one fell-swoop?! Following a World Series victory, I'm not sure Red Sox Nation could handle that level of joy!

Official Review, Take Three

You know what? The referees did an outstanding job, IMHO, in this week's Pats-Steelers game. Shocking, I know, but it's true. I'm giving them their props right here and now.

The best part of the game was the genius chant from the fans: GUAR-AN-TEE! GUAR-AN-TEE!
Hee-hee! Genius. Take that, Antonio Smith! Or Anthony Smith. Or whatever your name is. Who the hell is this guy anyway?

Not-So-Super Squirrels

Turning (back) to fantasy football now, the Super Squirrels, who started out so auspiciously at 3-0, entered the non-championship-eligible playoffs this week. Sad. I've decided that unless you've got a guy having an historic season (like Peyton or LT last year, or Brady or Moss this year) it takes a lot of luck to reach the playoffs in an H2H league. It's not like I didn't try to make deals to "make my own luck," either.

Take for instance, The Big Trade, Marshawn Lynch for Steve Smith, which turned out to be a non-factor for both sides. Smith scored 2 TDs for me, total. His 10 for 136 and a TD in week 6 helped me to a victory over Olsen Twin Sandwich, but other than that, he was single-digits all year. Lynch was sometimes very productive (30 pts vs Cin, e.g.) when he wasn't hurt, but he was out for 3 straight games.

Big Trade, Part Deux, the Sequel wasn't much better. Dealing Shaun Alexander and Alge Crumpler for Tony Gonzalez and Kenny Watson could also have been a difference-making deal, but alas, no. All it really did was eliminate the headache of resolving the cognitive dissonance I got every week between the legendary fantasy-stud name of Alexander and the paltry numbers that kept showing up next to that name.

Here are the weekly totals for a 5'9" running back I picked up a while back -- and boy am I glad I did, because he ended up teaming with McGahee to replace Alexander very handsomely.

19
16
13
19
22

Name him. (Answer at the bottom of this post.)

In any event, the Big Trade Part Deux was what was necessary to get a top-flight tight-end. Note: As has been widely noted, Tony-G gets bigger stats when Huard is under center, but he did score today. And yes, Gonzo is still a keeper-level guy, even at his age, because of the dearth of TE talent these days.

Finally, a word to the wise. Check out this sleeper wide receiver... 4 scores in 6 weeks! And nobody's heard of him! He was just sitting there on my waiver wire. And I seen highlights of him playing... He's got size and speed.

And the running back is Earnest Graham (RB) TB. Consider him a top back the rest of the season (if you made the playoffs) and next year, as well.


And yes, I found ESPN's new player widget, and I love it! Bravo ESPN!

Official Review, Take Two

In my 2nd blog installment on the officiating in the NFL, which I'm now calling (cleverly, if I do say so) "Official Review," I'll take a look at last night's shocking, bizarre Pats-Ravens game.

As usual, questionable calls went both ways, but 2 calls were blown against the Patriots that had a huge impact on the game, plus a bonus wild-card call.

1. Holding. 4th quarter, Patriots down but driving. Kevin Faulk gashing holes and moving the chains. He converts a 1st down, but wait, a flag comes flying in from the back judge into the scrum after Faulk moved the pile past the pylon. Holding, offense. This call is fishy because: a.) It was a scrum of at least 6 or 7 guys, who was it called on? b.) The flag came in after his forward progress had ended and resulted in a 1st down, c.) and NO REPLAY. Given that you can call holding on most any play from scrimmage, and given the drive-momentum killing impact of this call, I give this one the Blown Whistle of the Game Award.

2. Brady's INT. Brady doesn't throw interceptions often. So infrequent are they, in fact, that one might wonder what might cause him to throw a pick. How about defensive holding? Yep. Brady was up in the ref's face barking loudly about the non-call on Welker, which led to the pick. (See photo, right.) Luckily, Faulk (who had a huge game) stripped Ed Reed at the end of his return, or this one would've really hurt.

In fact, Michael Felger at the Boston Herald reports that Brady, Moss, and Vrabel all had vociferous words for the officiating. Ravens DBs were clutching and grabbing the entire game, such that Brady felt the call in the end zone was long overdue.

3. Bonus. Offensive pass interference. Not that it matters because time ran out, but on the Hail Mary pass, Mason jumps on Samuel like he was looking for a piggy-back ride. Samuel popped up and argued with the ref immediately, but the clock read 0:00 anyway, thank god.

Meanwhile, Baltimore players and fans are fuming over (at least) 3 things.

1. The time-out. Some of their own players apparently don't realize this, but that timeout on 4th down, where the Ravens had apparently stopped the Patriots, was a legit timeout. The replay clearly shows the assistant coach calling time while standing next to the ref, who came running in before the snap, arms waiving off the play. That the players on the field didn't hear or see him is immaterial.

2. Gaffney's game-winning TD. Sorry guys, it's a catch. Some reports say he was "juggling" the ball. This is hogwash. He caught it cleanly and deftly on his fingertips and got both feet in. At the same time, he was tucking the ball under his arm as he would naturally do after any catch. To argue that this somehow isn't a catch is ridiculous.

[Common Sense Rant mode: On] By the way, the manner in which the NFL tries to define a catch -- using super-slo-mo to parse out every split-second to try to find an imperceptible loss of "control" of the ball -- has become ridiculous. What's wrong with "If the ball hits the ground, it's no catch?!" Randy Moss caught a TD pass and juggled it as he went out of bounds, but he still caught it, right? It never hit the ground, did it? I mean, who invented this whole "must control the ball" thing anyway? It's as dumb as that "football move" rule about whether it's a fumble or an incomplete pass. A fumble is a fumble! Sheesh! [CS Rant Mode: Off]

3. Racist remarks from a ref. OK seriously now, read this account: Caught by television cameras in the Ravens' locker room and replayed this morning on ESPN, chief among the raging Ravens complaints was an assertion that one official – head linesman Phil McKinnely -- repeatedly called Ravens defensive back Samari Rolle the word "boy." At least five times, Rolle said after the game. "I simply asked him, 'Man, have you played before? You know what's at stake here?' He called me a boy," Rolle said this morning on ESPN First Take. "He was like, "Man, shut up, boy. Go back to playing.'" "He knows he's a ref," Rolle said. "You can't do anything to him. It's mind-blowing, though, that a ref would talk to a player like that."

The entire (excellent, well balanced) article is here in the Baltimore Sun. This ugly incident, if true, speaks to everything wrong with officiating in professional sports today, from baseball umps who follow and goad ballplayers and coaches during arguments, to NBA officials involved in gambling scandals, to every bad call that affects a game outcome.

And now that you're good and lathered up, I'll leave you with this bit of levity. Perhaps the best summation of the officiating situation I've ever seen. And a genius idea for a commercial, too!